In defense of Canadian politics

As some of you may know, there’s been a lot of political drama in Canada over the last couple of weeks. Back in our election in October, no single political party won enough seats to form a majority government. This was the third consecutive election in which this has happened, due to the fact that we now have four major political parties to choose from (five in Quebec). Truth be told, if the Liberal party can manage to get its act together before the next election, we are likely to continue this new tradition for the forseeable future.

Some people see this as a bad thing—they like the peace and quiet of a majority government. After all, while you might not like what they are doing, at least you know you are stuck with them for four or five years, and you can mostly ignore them until the next election. If they get up to shenanigans, well . . . there’s nothing you can do about it.

Minority governments are much messier. All of a sudden, people with different viewpoints actually have to work together. It’s noisy and ugly and infuriating. And, ultimately, it’s way better for the country.

Parliaments, not Presidents

Canada has a parliamentary democracy. This means we don’t elect a President, we elect politicians locally, to represent us in Parliament. Those representatives then get together to form a government.

The great thing about this system—when it works the way it is supposed to—is the checks and balances it places on government power. Because we elect representatives, not parties or a president—we have a specific person to go to when our government is failing us, a person we can communicate with directly, and who has a vested interest in listening to our views. And, in Parliament, each of those representatives has as much power as any other. If enough of those representatives get together, they can make things happen.

In a parliamentary system, allegiances can change, and the balance of power can shift at any time, depending on the decisions of those representatives. If a Prime Minister runs amok, representatives can come together and fire him. A PM can’t arbitrarily start a war, for instance, without the support of a majority of the House. He can’t get away with channeling government money to a program that pays kickbacks to his own party without the support of a majority of the House. He is responsible to Parliament for every decision he makes on their behalf.

The problem with majority governments is that party loyalties usually work against holding the Prime Minister and Cabinet accountable for their actions. Unfortunately, people don’t generally hold their friends to the same standards to which they hold their enemies. And, as a result, Canadian history is replete with examples of majority governments who treated the Prime Minister like a president, and wielded their collective power to the detriment of those citizens who didn’t vote for them. Majority government power has been used for everything from cutting social programs to taking control of specific industries to taking us to war. It’s been used to enable and cover up corruption of all sorts, to subvert our laws, and to channel government funds to the friends of the ruling party.

Minority governments, on the other hand, are much harder to use in bad ways, because there are more eyes watching for the ruling party to screw up, and more willingness to do something about it, when they do.

The great thing about a minority government is that it requires the support of at least two parties to pass any legislation and to simply hold power. It requires people to work together, and that is the true strength of the human race. Canada is a diverse country, with a vast wealth of different perspectives and experiences. Everybody—especially those active in politics—thinks their own viewpoint is right, but reality is seldom so simple. A minority government ensures that at least a few extra viewpoints are considered when making decisions. It is the ultimate “cabinet of rivals” that has been getting so much air time in the US, of late.

This coalition is right and proper

There’s been a lot of anger about the possibility of an NDP-Liberal-BQ coalition taking on the role of government. A quick review of the negative comments on CBC articles (presumably by staunch Conservative supporters) have labelled this everything from “a deal with separatists” to “undemocratic” to “a coup”. Hyperbole aside, whether I support the goals of this coalition or not (I do, but that’s irrelevant)—it is both right and proper under our Constitution. Everybody in parliament knew the rules when the “game” was started—even if all voters didn’t bother to learn them—and until we as a people come together and change the rules, these are the rules that remain in effect. To govern, you must hold the confidence of the majority of representatives in the House. And if the majority of representatives want to align themselves in a different way, that is sufficient grounds for a new government to be formed. We did not elect a party or a President.

Now, I don’t have a problem with people contacting their MPs to tell them what they think. That’s very much their right and responsibility. But, ultimately, if the coalition parties want to come together to form a government, that is their right, and we get to hold them accountable the next time there is an election and not before.

The problem with Conservative Party talk of “going over the heads of Parliament” to take their case “to the Canadian people” is that it is far closer to a coup than anything the coalition parties have done. They are trying to inflame passions—presumably to scare coalition members or the Governor General into doing what they want—and that’s a dangerous thing. And suspending Parliament to avoid losing a non-confidence vote is particularly worrisome. Canada—by Constitution—is a representative parliamentary democracy. We elect representatives to government and they represent us in Parliament. We as citizens have no recourse to forcibly change our representatives except through an election, and talking of “going over the heads of Parliament” flies in the face of the rule of law. They are encouraging mob rule.

Further, the rhetoric about the evils of including “separatists” in the coalition is both racist and undemocratic. Like it or not, the people in 49 Quebec ridings elected Bloc Quebecois members to represent them, and for the Prime Minister to say that those representatives should not have equal standing in the House with any other member is obscene. You don’t have to agree with them, but they are there because they were duly elected by Canadian citizens in those ridings.

Why I support the coalition

I’m an NDP supporter—a democratic socialist, civil libertarian, and all around nice guy. ;-) I support this coalition because I—like a large majority of Canadians—want action on the economy, want action on global warming, believe in government support for our civil society, and don’t support the “crime agenda” of the Conservatives (which I believe will result in less justice and more crime). I also support this coalition because I think there is a lot of common ground amongst Canadians who voted for the different parties, and that we should focus our government efforts on that common ground.

That all said, I have my doubts. I don’t think Stéphane Dion is the man for the job—everything I’ve seen of him indicates he is timid, a poor communicator, and all around too dithering to get things done. Of course, that can be easily solved—the Liberals have a wealth of people to choose from for a replacement. Oddly enough, my doubts about the BQ’s long-term intentions are much smaller—partly because the BQ has a fairly strong bias for progressive government policies. (And, on a practical note, nothing activates Quebec separatism quite like the denigration of Quebec by the rest of Canada—at the moment, the biggest agitator for Quebec separatism is our current Prime Minister.)

Ultimately, though, I want a PM who isn’t a bully, who doesn’t think things are his way or the highway, who doesn’t practice divide-and-conquer politics—somebody with a bit of humility, and a recognition that there are valid viewpoints other than his own. In other words, I think there are tons of MPs, currently in the house—and even within the Conservative caucus—who would do a better job. To be honest, if the Conservatives offered up a better leader, I might be more inclined to think there were other workable options to pushing them out of the way.

And, finally, I don’t care to go back to the polls over this. We just elected a Parliament. By law, they have four years, and we have lots of urgent problems to solve. It’s well past time they make it work—however which way they want to do it.

Web Fiction Guide

This article is about the origins of the Web Fiction Guide and was written for and originally posted to Novelr in September of 2008.


Back when we opened, Eli asked me to write an article for Novelr on the Web Fiction Guide. To be honest with you, when he asked, I wanted to run screaming for the hills. I just couldn’t imagine what I’d write about. And yet, the calmer, more business-like part of me knew it was a good idea—for publicity for the site, if nothing else.

So, last night, I figured something out: I’ll just tell you a story. That’s something I know how to do.

Where it all began

A few months ago, I started writing a serialized novel, called Winter Rain. I didn’t set out to write it. In fact, I set out to write a vignette—a one scene “moment in time”—for a net friend. But I’d had an idea bouncing around in my head for a story, for a while, and once the vignette was written, it just felt like I could go somewhere with it. So I did. And it’s been a lot of fun, so far.

But, of course, there’s no point writing something for an online audience if that audience never shows up to read it. And, frankly, I’m a bit of an attention hound. So, after the first week, I decided it was time to publicize the story.

And that’s where the trouble began.

Starting from nothing

I’d been hosting Sarah Suleski’s website since she started publishing Alisiyad online, and she and I have been friends for a long time, so I’d heard from her about wonderful publicity tools like Pages Unbound and Project Wonderful. So, that first week, I went and submitted a listing to Pages Unbound, and bought advertising space through Project Wonderful on a number of popular web fiction sites. And waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Here are the things I found out:

  1. Most of the people who click through on banner ads leave again right away. 80+% of them, in fact.

  2. Even on busy sites that are appropriately chosen, most readers don’t click on banner ads.

  3. Pages Unbound is only a useful source of traffic if you have a ton of good user reviews, or if you buy a banner ad on it (and not really even then).

What actually works

The truth of the matter is that most of my readers did not come from banner ads placed on other sites. Even fewer of them came from Pages Unbound. The majority of my readers found my serial (perhaps not surprisingly) from personal recommendations made by other web authors, in the form of links from their sites.

So what’s this all got to do with WFG?

This whole experience got me thinking: shouldn’t there be a better way to do things? Winter Rain isn’t brilliant, by any means, but neither is it chopped liver. Surely there should be a way to help people writing quality online fiction to connect with people who want to find good stuff to read. A way to combine the power of personal recommendation with a constant stream of new stories—where authors don’t have to wait for someone “influential” to discover them.

As it turns out, I wasn’t the only person wondering this.

Around about the time this all started, Eli posted here about why the review system at Pages Unbound wasn’t very effective. He argued, approximately, that Pages Unbound suffered from a “mom” problem: because Pages Unbound uses a straight average of ratings, one great rating on an otherwise-unrated story counts for more than 40 good ratings on an another. And that one great rating could very easily have be written the author’s mom.

In other words, Pages Unbound’s rating report is easily hijacked by people who have a few friends willing to help them out. It makes no distinction about the quality of reviews, and only recently has made any distinction about the quantity. Eli argued that what the online world needed was an editorial filter—someone readers could trust to provide an “objective” rating, so that the good stuff would get some publicity, and so that readers didn’t have to wade through great piles of stodge to find something good. That idea attracted a number of people, and gave rise to the Shelves project—a website that would spotlight the cream of online fiction.

Reviews as subjective truth

Of course, being the ornery, disagreeable fellow that I am, I didn’t care much more for the idea of Shelves than I did for the Pages Unbound’s free-for-all.

My point of view is that there is no such thing as “objective” truth when it comes to fiction. Well, very little of it, anyway. The truth is that what I love, you may hate, and vice versa. The benefit of an editorial filter is not the filter—it’s the editor. Because, if you can get to know that editor as a person—their likes and dislikes—you can start to make reasonable predictions about how much of what they say will apply to you.

To me, the problem with reviews at Pages Unbound is simply one of trust: you can’t know whether or not to trust those reviews because you know little or nothing about the person who wrote them. And the Pages Unbound software makes no distinction, either, which means you still have to do all of the work when you go looking for something to read.

And on the other end of the spectrum, the problem with Eli’s Shelves project is that it seeks to list only stories its editorial board deems of sufficient quality, which means people who disagree with their editorial viewpoint will find no use in their listings, whatsoever.

Back to the story

In any event, as it turned out, Eli wasn’t going to be ready to start on Shelves until 2009, due to real life time constraints—which is an eternity in Internet time—and, after waiting two weeks for my listing to show up on Pages Unbound (with no listing in sight), I decided I wasn’t going to wait any longer. I pinged Sarah on YIM, and by the end of the night, we had registered a domain name (she came up with it), sent out emails to hija—cough—borrow most of the Shelves editorial staff, and started on a site design.

What can I say: I’m an impatient fellow, too.

Of course, all did not go as initially planned. In my usual totally-out-of-touch-with-reality way, I figured I could customize WordPress in about a week, to do everything we needed. As usual, my estimate was off by a factor of four. One of these days, I’m going to remember to apply that factor before getting started, instead of after. In any event, after four weeks, I decided it was good enough, even if it wasn’t quite finished, and we opened for business at the end of July, 2008.

Editorial staff

Thanks to Sarah’s efforts, our editorial staff includes a number of well-known authors, bloggers, and reviewers from the web fiction community. Rather than be redundant here, I will simply refer you to our Editors page, where you will find a complete list, and links to our self-penned introductions.

As a group, we represent a range of opinions and viewpoints, as well as tastes in fiction, and while we may not always agree about the merits of a particular piece of web fiction, we have agreed on common definitions for our rating scale. As a result, when we average the editorial ratings on a piece, we think we provide a fairly representative estimate of the quality of a piece of work, with our individual reviews filling in the details of our disparate viewpoints. To use a metaphor, we don’t all sing the same parts, but we do all strive to sing as one choir.

Design elements

The primary goal of WFG is to help you find stuff you actually want to read. Every design element has been chosen with that in mind.

First and foremost, we provide a browsable “card catalogue” of online fiction, which you can browse in its entirety, or filtered on a particular subject. Subject can be just about anything—a genre, an age group, a setting, a story type; we add new tags as they become relevant. A subject catalogue is important because, as our listings grow, you don’t want to have to page through hundreds of fantasy listings if you are looking for historical fiction, or hundreds of novels if you are looking for short stories.

To the basic card catalogue, we add a number of features. Of course, we host reviews, so every listing displays our editorial reviews and the most helpful member reviews (determined by member votes). And the average editorial rating appears with every listing, even the thumbnails, giving everything a consistent at-a-glance estimate of the quality of what you will find.

Each listing is also cross-linked in two dimensions: similar listings, and reader recommendations. This cross-linking provides two important benefits. First, it acts as a visual landmark—if you like the stuff you see in these cross-links, chances are higher that you will like the listing you are looking at. And, second, if you decide the current listing isn’t for you, it provides you with up to twelve other possibly-relevant listings for you to check out. Again, we’re trying to help you find things you will want to read.

Our site is fully searchable. At the top of every page there is a search box that will search the text of our listings, our reviews, our articles, and even our catalogue subjects for whatever you want. Personally, I use the feature all of the time, for finding specific listings.

As of this second release of our software, we provide four sort orders for the catalogue: editorial preference, member preference, name, and listing date, and you can easily switch from one ordering to another with a single click, from any point within our listings, without losing your place.

Of particular note, our member preference listings cannot be hijacked by a single glowing review from the author’s mom. Without going into technical details, we consider the weight of member ratings, reviews, and recommendations, not the average. We have also taken measures to limit the effect of spam ratings.

For the benefit of our authors, our home page now shows thumbnails of up to nine of the most recent additions to our catalogue (as of our most recent software update). We try to give new listings a full week on the home page, but, as we never post more than three new listings a day, we can guarantee at least three full days of free publicity. And a link from the home page allows readers to continue browsing by listing date.

Our home page also displays three random Editors’ Picks. These are listings at least one of our editors has Recommended. There are 10 of us, in all—and if even one of us likes a story enough to recommend it, it has a free pass to our home page on a fairly regular basis.

We also display the most recent editorial reviews. These generally don’t get written on the same day as the listing, so new listings get additional publicity when their listing is reviewed, through additional time on our home page.

Also appearing on our home page, we provide a weekly column called “What’s Happening”, that is open to any of our listings. Here, we display blurbs about current events at up to six listings, each week. The listing thumbnails appear with each blurb, and the column holds the home page for a full week. We presently give out the slots on a first-come-first-serve basis, but we are prepared to apply additional editorial standards, should demand begin to outstrip our available slots.

Finally, all of our listings, articles, and reviews are available in one or more RSS feeds, so you can have your computer monitor our site for stuff you’ll want to read.

Range of content

We will list just about any type of original, written online fiction: novels, episodic serials, short story collections, anthologies, story magazines, and scripts. Twice now, people have come to us with new types of things they wanted to list, and we’ve extended our mandate. About the only things we won’t list are pure erotica (because its primary goal is not to tell a good story) and fanfic.

How it worked out

At present, we get (on average) ten new listings each week. Our “What’s Happening” column is filled almost every week, too. We have approximately 400 unique visitors each week (we’ve had about 1500 unique visitors since opening) and they draw down around 1000 pages each and every day, amongst them. Every editorial review (even low-rated ones) gets several dozen click-throughs to the listing within the first day.

All that may not sound like an awful lot, but according to the stats Project Wonderful publishes about the ad spots on Pages Unbound, we’re well within the same ballpark, and after only six weeks in operation.

We’ve already upgraded our software once, and a second upgrade is in the works. The last upgrade simplified navigation and brought browsing by subject inline with the look and feel of browsing the whole collection. Additionally, we’ve added discussion forums for our members, and some of our authors have already gained tangible benefits from them.

All in all, I’m very happy with the progress we’ve made, and I feel strongly that we’ll continue to grow and improve in the coming months.

Plans for the future

For the next release of the software, we will be making the average member rating more visible. Presently, member ratings are used to calculate the “member preference” ordering, but next release, they’ll be shown right on the listing. We’ll also be making it easier to track events on a listing, so authors can do some cross-marketing and even provide rewards to their readers who participate.

Longer term, we might want to look into recognizing members who consistently provide quality reviews, with additional weight or presence given to their work. And, as our listings get even bigger, I’d like to work out a way to browse by multiple subjects at once.

Some middle ground

The Web Fiction Guide is an attempt to walk the line: to provide a consistent, reliable, known editorial viewpoint on everything in our collection; and to additionally provide comprehensive listings and member reviews, so you can ignore our opinion—or find others—when ours doesn’t apply to you. We do our very best to be useful to our listed authors, while, at the same time, being useful to our readers. Because, without our readers, we can be of no use to our authors, and vice versa.

Of course, trying to be all things to all people is the only guaranteed recipe for failure, so we make choices—often hard choices—to ensure we stay relevant. We can’t please every author with our reviews, and we can’t please every reader, either. What we can do is be consistent, so both authors and readers can treat us as a known quantity, and make allowances for our biases and blind spots.

Thanks for reading.

Truth versus Belief

Henry Neufeld writes a blog on issues of Christianity, which I read (cough) religiously. He’s always thought-provoking. Today he posted on the topic of how Christian writers often seem to distort or misrepresent the truth when arguing against things they don’t believe in. His particular context for this discussion is the creationist/evolution debate that always seems to be raging in the US. However, I’ve had similar feelings about some of the things I’ve been reading about the historical accuracy of the bible, so thought I’d respond with them. The reply ended up being so long and rambling, I figured I’d better post it here, instead.


Hi Henry,

I’m not sure I’m the audience you wanted to hear from, but here goes. :-)

As you may recall, I’ve been struggling with my faith for a while, trying to reconcile the things I was brought up to believe with the actual evidence and context those beliefs were drawn from. I’ve read a variety of books over the last several months, from people on both sides of the “argument”. I put “argument” in quotes because one side seems to made up mostly of agnostics and liberal Christians, who don’t seem to have a huge personal need for their answers to be right. In that respect, only the other side seems to be really “arguing”.

Anyway, I have to say that—as a group—the people defending the “traditional” faith seem to be considerably less rigourous in their arguments than those questioning it. And while those questioning it tend to make their arguments in a balanced fashion—pointing out flaws in their own positions, pointing out places where the data is insufficient, and pointing out where they are stating opinions and conjecture—those defending the faith seem—too often—to pick their facts to suit their argument, and engage in circular reasoning the eventually comes down to “what I believe is obviously true because it is what I believe”.

I realize I’m making broad statements here without any intention of backing them up. To be honest, this is a statement of my impression of the books I’ve read, not a statistically accurate literature review. And don’t get me wrong, there are Athiests I’ve read who are as invested in their point of view as the Christians arguing opposite. But maybe that’s my point—it is those with the strongest beliefs in a certain “shape” of the universe who seem most willing (or able) to distort things in their favour.

Let’s take Ehrman’s book “Misquoting Jesus” as an example. He starts out by going over the methods by which textual criticism is done (for about half of the book), then discusses particular cases that even the NIV footnotes as being questionable, then finishes with about 20 pages on specific and (he admits) “out there” theories about smaller passages he thinks have been altered. He makes a detailed case for each, drawing on the techniques he has explained and a vast knowledge of the history of the texts. He’s doesn’t even get around to questioning the correctness of the original texts—only how they may have been changed since they were written. His writing is clear and accessible and I never once found myself thinking, “Ah ha! I’ve caught you in a half-truth!” And trust me, I was looking.

The strange thing to me is that Ehrman’s book has inspired some of the most strenuous rebuttle I’ve seen, despite the fact that 90% of the book is about undisputed facts, discussion of scientific methodologies, and general history. It seems, in fact, that most of the counter-arguments I’ve read don’t take issue with his observations at all, but instead attack the conclusions he draws from them—conclusions that seem a fairly natural result of his observations.

In “Misquoting Truth”—a book praised by many on that side of the argument—Timothy Paul Jones counters Ehrman’s very specific examples of how things have actually changed with general rhetoric that any changes don’t matter. Let me restate that. He doesn’t say any of Ehrman’s observations are wrong! He sidesteps them in their entirety, instead arguing in a folksy manner that the observations don’t matter. He then quickly drifts off Ehrman’s treatise altogether, and by the middle of the book seems to be engaged in a circular argument that Christianity has to be true because if it wasn’t true it wouldn’t be the same as it is now.

In “The Case for the Real Jesus”, Lee Strobel takes a self-claimed “journalistic” approach, interviewing people who counter Ehrman’s (and other people’s) non-traditional positions. I put “journalistic” in quotes, because he only seems to interview people who hold his own viewpoint, and never bothers to probe the weaknesses of their arguments. Before I go on, I should point out: I only got halfway through his book before giving up in frustration. At the time, I was starving for someone to put Ehrman in his place. And after Mr. Jones failed, Mr. Strobel’s infuriating lack of even-handedness was too much for me. Still, I remember a few points that I think are relevant here.

One of Strobel’s first interviewees was Dr. Craig Evans, billed as one of the foremost biblical scholars on the planet. And I have no reason to doubt the claim—his interview certainly indicated a wealth of knowledge and scholarship. But the problem is that Strobel accepted Dr. Evans’s positions as truth—even when they were just opinion—as if expertise makes one safe from interpretation error or conjecture.

Two of Dr. Evans points stick in my mind as needing further questioning—questioning they weren’t given.

First, Dr. Evans makes a connection between Jesus’ reference to himself as the “Son of Man” and the passage in Daniel where the term clearly has implications of divinity. He does this as proof that Jesus viewed himself as divine, and that it wasn’t simply attributed to him by his followers. But he doesn’t point out that “Son of Man” was used in many places in the Old Testament, most of which have no divinity attached to the term. He also doesn’t point out that Daniel itself is a subject of debate as to when exactly it was written, and by whom. In a more numerically-oriented science, those exclusions would be referred to as “lying with statistics”.

And second, he argues (I’m paraphrasing) that the Gospels are trustworthy because the contents mattered to the people who wrote them. He freely admits that at least 30 years passed between the events and their writing, but argues that it doesn’t make any difference. And Mr. Strobel doesn’t hesitate to accept this line of argument. Let me ask you: Can you remember details of events important to you from 30 years ago? Can you remember what anybody said around you the day you accepted Jesus as your personal saviour? Can you remember exactly what you said to your wife when you asked her to go out with you the first time? Can you remember the exact sequence of events the first time a pet died? My personal answer to those questions is, “No, I can’t.” And my conversations with the people who were there lead me to believe the things I do remember aren’t very accurate. And for me, none of those events were even 30 years ago.

Further, Christianity did not develop in a vacuum. It grew up from nothing in very brutal, turbulent times. To say that politics did not affect people’s beliefs . . . is ludicrous. It is exactly because it did matter so much to people that changes could take place. It’s not even a matter of it being a malicious process: when people are afraid or stressed, their perceptions change. How many Americans still believe there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, or that Iraq was involved in 9/11. And would it not be fair to say that a disproportionate number of those people would describe themselves as Christian? The Jesus presented in the Gospels was very clearly two things: a pacifist, and a communist. To the first, he regularly preached about solving problems through forgiveness, and responding to wrongs with right—he went so far as to rebuke his disciples for violently defending him from arrest. And, to the second, he preached very regularly about giving away all your possessions to help the poor. On more than one occassion, he implied that getting into the Kingdom would be nigh on impossible for the rich. And yet how much of either of those things seems have affected the Church? For about a thousand years, the Pope was probably the richest man on the planet; and a lot of modern fundamentalist Protestant churches seem to be all about tax cuts and the accumulation of wealth. Further, the US went to war in Iraq on the strength of the Christian vote. I’m not arguing these points because I think either pacifism or communism are the way to go—I have small doubts about the former and large doubts about the latter—I’m just pointing out that people hold contradictory and incompatible beliefs all the time, and it isn’t because they are evil, it’s just because that’s the way we all deal with the complexities of the world. Why is it we would want to think that the people in the early church are so much “purer” than we are?

My larger point is that those writing in defense of the traditional view of Christianity seem often to believe that the ends justify the means. They know the truth, so anything that counters that position must be wrong. It doesn’t even have to be malicious. They really may not see the flaws and holes and circularities in their arguments, because, for them, the facts are secondary. It is the belief that matters. All other concerns are secondary. And I’ve seen this bias in arguments both from Christians and Athiests (and, yes, from people strongly attached to other religions, too).

My personal belief is that truth is more important than being right. If there is a God, and e created this universe, then the truth must be a more direct route to him than a beautiful, elegant, traditional and wrong belief system.

To my reading of the Gospels, there is a definite tension between those that talk about right as a matter of action from belief, and those that talk about right as belief. The gospel of John definitely falls into the latter category—the author essentially discards right action, going so far as to claim that belief is all that is necessary for salvation. As such, action becomes a side-effect of belief, and not even a necessary one, at that. It is that “classical Greek thinking”—the idea that a beautiful theory must be correct, and that testing is for people who don’t have enough faith—that seems to have grabbed a lot of minds in the Christian community. But I do not believe that Jesus himself felt that way. The Jesus in the other three gospels seems to be all about action. Yeah, the belief matters—but only in so much as corresponds to motives. Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons—I think Jesus would argue—isn’t doing right at all.

The Quakers have a saying: God has no grandchildren. It’s the idea that you can’t come to God through your parents. You have to come to em directly, from real searching, from real yearning. And, to some extent, it refers to how faith changes from the first generation to the second. For the first generation of Quakers, things like plain dress and plain speech were natural results of their belief in the direct, personal availability of the small, quiet voice of God to each of us—if God wanted a personal connection with each of us, then who were we to put on airs or to imply we were somehow more or less important than someone else. But that second generation didn’t so much get it. Too many of them didn’t understand the very personal core of their parents’ belief, and so took the trappings for the real thing. Suddenly plain dress and plain speech, and various customs and mannerisms—became the religion. Nothing else mattered. If you believed certain things and acted a certain way you were Quaker, and if you didn’t you weren’t. That the original faith believed quite the opposite didn’t seem to matter. And it took a long time before that original faith could be reclaimed—could be redeveloped from first principles.

I think the Gospel of John is another instance of God has no grandchilren. Most of the scholars I’ve read date it around 90 AD or a bit later. If so, its author never met Jesus, and probably didn’t personally know anybody who did. Further, by that point, the Jewish state had mostly been wiped out by the Romans—and the drifting of Christianity from its Jewish cultural roots was mostly complete. It isn’t surprising that John has a Hellenistic slant—it’s author would have been raised in that school of thought, and he’d have had no particular attachment to Jewish idea of God or to Jewish concepts of right and wrong. And John has a great deal to do with what Christianity became, precisely because he spoke in terms the larger, educated, Hellenistic world could understand. Whether or not it had anything to do with what Jesus actually preached doesn’t seem to have bothered very many people.

But, here’s the thing, classical Greek thinking isn’t a good way to find truth. Aristotle’s theory of gravity was beautiful and intuitive and wrong for 2000 years before anyone thought to step out on a roof and test it by dropping a couple of objects over the side. And because somebody did, we have physics, and calculus, and general relativity, and quantum mechanics—all of which are necessary for computers to exist to allow me to write you this response to your blog. And that’s not even to mention the impetus that discovery gave to the industrial revolution and all the things that make our present civilization possible.

Science is very simple. You start with your observations, and find conclusions to explain them. When new observations are made that contradict your conclusions, you discard the conclusions as wrong. Why? Because reality is more important to truth than what you believe.

And that, I think, is the problem. For too many Christian writers, reality is secondary to what they believe to be true. It has to be, because they have put so much stake in the belief—eternity in heaven versus eternity in hell, to be exact. I know that fear, and it is deeply motivating. And with such high stakes, it is not surprising that people see what they want to see.

But I don’t believe for a second that God wants us to discard our brains in order to save our souls. If God really is omniscient and omnipotent and internally consistent, then while reality may not give us all the answers, it most certainly must not contradict any of them. Otherwise, God’s a liar, and we’re all in real trouble.

Regards,

   Chris.

Plotting Angst

So, it’s been an unexpectedly busy couple of weeks in the writing department.

I did get the expected rejection slip for Dajoën. It’s kind of funny—the editor said she “enjoyed reading it”, then proceeded to suggest it needed a plot and/or a hook. Which is pretty much the standard criticism of the piece, and exactly why I’ve gone and rewritten it a half-dozen times, over the years.

Come to think of it, “needs a plot” and “needs a hook” are the standard criticisms of all of my writing. :-)

Anyway, in anticipation of that rejection slip, I gave both the original and the latest version of the story to my writing teacher and asked him to explain to me why people liked the original more than the latest, despite the fact that latest is considerably more of a story. And boy did he earn his money. I knew it would be brutal, but the reality of it was a little more than I had prepared myself for.

On the other hand, I think I finally understand what I have been hating about my writing, in recent years. And that’s worth some pain.

So, this weekend, I’ve been trying to work out a plot for something I can do as a web novel. I continue to be unwilling to consider Distance for that purpose, despite my new resolve. So I’ve been trying to take an older story and work it into something usable.

And, after lot of back and forth, trying to come up with a plot I don’t consider cringe-worthy, I think I’ve come to a realization: I consider all my plot ideas cringe-worthy.

:-)

One of the reasons Distance has been stalled where it is for so long is that I decided—fairly early on—that the idea was too small. I guess I was tired of being accused of never having a plot, so I was determined to come up with one. And I did, sort of. Problem was, I never liked it. Distance was meant to be a coming-of-age story, and trying to tack on a big plot . . . well, made it feel decidedly . . . hackneyed. And I hate that.

For me, writing is about the characters. You start with characters, put them in a scenario, and see what happens. Problem is, in my attempts to come up with a plot—in advance—I’ve either gone with a huge scenario (to which I can’t do justice), or I’ve made caricatures instead of characters in order to get them to do what the plot requires of them. And I hate that, too.

My writing is intimate and personal. That’s what I like about it. And starting from anything but characters is a sure way to kill a story for me. I don’t know why I took me so long to figure that out . . . .

So, maybe Distance isn’t so dead after all. And maybe, if I start from the characters, I’ll find that CEA (the other story) isn’t so dead, either.

Getting published, and other bad ideas

It’s been a weird couple of weeks. I sent in a short story to a publisher, for the first time ever, and the lead up to it was an interesting experience. Interesting in a purely scientific sense. I didn’t enjoy it.

Several years ago, on the advice of a friend, I sat down to write something that was going to be purely for me. A story that I could work on just for fun, that I would never show to anybody; a story where I could be free to try anything that came to mind. To my recollection, I sat down at around 1:00 in the afternoon, one Friday in the summer, to write just that—something just for fun. And when I got up around 6:00, that night, I had a first chapter written. 3000 words. It was the easiest thing I have ever written. And I had a ton of fun doing it.

And you know what? It was the best thing I’ve ever written, too.

Of course, since realizing that about it, I’ve been unable to write a single new word on it. I seem afraid that I will fuck it up. These days, when I sit down to work on it, I’m not trying to have fun—I’m trying to write something “great”, something that lives up to the writing in that first chapter.

It doesn’t seem to be a very effective strategy for me.

The short story I submitted last week was Dajoën, which some of you have read. I did the first version of it for a contest in my writing group. It was a short short story contest—stories were limited to 2000 words. And I had this little idea—to write a story about the parting of two friends.

Well, the very first version of it was . . . horrid. But, fortunately, I started again, and wrote the first official version, which won the contest. When I write from first person, I try to be the person I’m writing as, and for that character, he’s talking about a loss that was very important to him, and which he is still grieving. To be honest, I don’t know how much of that made it to the page. Probably not as much as I’d intended.

Anyway, the feedback on that version was very good—as far as it went. The general consensus seemed to be that the story was too slight—that it needed more to be really effective. And so, in the three years since, I have rewritten the story—from scratch—five times. Three of those versions were . . . horrid, and have never seen the light of day. The most recent version was written last weekend, with the intent that that would be the version I would send to the publisher.

And here’s the problem: of the people who’ve read all the “good” versions, the general consensus seems to be that the original is the best. It seems that every time I set out to improve the technique of the story, I do it at the cost of its heart.

So, after 3 years of rewrites, I sent the original version to the publisher. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made. Because, after so long trying to fix them, all I can see are its flaws.

I’m not even sure why I want my stuff published. It’s certainly not for the money: if Dajoën sells to this publisher, my advance will be $38. Of course, if I’m being totally honest, the same little part of me as usual wants recognition, for something I’ve made. And while that’s not a huge factor, it is a factor. But, thinking about it while having all this angst for the last week, I think the publishing matters because it is a route to getting readers. I write to share something—of myself, or of my experience—with other people, something that they might find useful. I want to say with fiction the things I can never seem to say with truth, when it counts. It’s the statement that “I know how you feel, and you’re not alone.” It’s to say that to somebody else, in a way that they’ll hear, that I write the stuff I do.

The thing is, I’m not sure I need a publisher for that. I wrote an article, a few days ago, related to a software project I’m working on, that I told 5 or so people about. To be honest, I didn’t expect most of them to read it all of the way through: the article was long, and I didn’t think the writing was very effective. So it came as quite a shock, two days later, when I looked at my web server logs and discovered I’d had over 80 readers of that article in one day. (I hadn’t realized that you could get stage fright, after the fact, but I did.) But it’s got me thinking: if I don’t write for the money, and the process of “perfecting” something for an imagined editor at a publisher causes me so much grief—and may actually cause the writing to get worse—then why the hell am I bothering? I have a website . . . .

The truth is, my writing seems to be at its best when I relax and just write. And every time I’ve ever rewritten a story, it’s lost that part that made it good, in the attempt to get something else. But, even though I know that, as long as I sit on a story—as long as I don’t consider it “done”—I can’t seem to resist the urge to fuck with it.

So I haven’t decided yet, but I’m seriously considering making Dajoën my first and only foray into professional publishing, at least for the foreseeable future. That, instead, I’ll write stuff and post it to my website as soon as it is finished. No rewriting, no perfecting every story to death. No angst about flaws. I’ll work on the projects that interest me, and stop worrying about which ones are “good enough” that they should be held for a real publisher.

I want writing to be fun again. I want to stop thinking about technique, and start thinking about story and characters instead. And you know . . . I have the strongest hunch, that if I do that? The technique will take care of itself.

Thanks for reading.

Why bother creating new programming languages?

I know that at least a few of you are probably asking that question. And I guess it’s a fair question—programming languages take a certain level of skill to design, and a certain level of expertise to implement. Truth be told, there seems to be a common perception that language designers rate up there with brain surgeons and rocket scientists on the nerd scale. And, to make matters worse, programming languages have a bad reputation as being hard to learn.

So, if only rare developers can create them, and using custom languages eliminates the “commodity” status on programmers, why would you even consider creating your own?

Well, even if we accept those two points as truth, the answer is still simple: with the right programming language, you can get a lot more done.

A contrived example

Consider this program describing a common activity:


   activate neurons 9388908 through 9388940
   wait 0.0002s
   activate neurons 9700938 through 9800838
   activate neurons 3992893 through 3992897
   wait 0.0001847
   deactivate neurons 9388908 through 9388912
   deactivate neurons 9388908 through 9388912


   (40 or 50 *billion* instructions skipped for space reasons)


   wait 0.0827053
   deactivate neurons 9388908 through 9388912

Now, consider this same example in a higher-level language:


   hold the bat <here>
   bring it up to your shoulder like <this>
   watch for the ball
      as it approaches, swing the bat down and forward into line with the ball
         follow through

Okay, okay—there is a lot more to swinging a baseball bat effectively than either of these two examples show, but I think it demonstrates the fundamental differences between low-level programming languages and a high-level ones:

low-level languages high-level languages
are very precise are very terse
make few assumptions rely on assumptions
can be used for almost anything are very specific to a single problem space

To me, the value of new programming languages is not in offering different syntax for the same thing. That’s not what I’m talking about, here. If the primary reason you want to write a new programming language is because you want to use { and } to delimit lists, instead of [ and ], or because you think % is a better address-of operator than &, you and I haven’t got much left to talk about. ;-)

The value in building new programming languages is in offering better, richer, more expressive ways to describe a solution to a problem, ways that shift the focus away from the “trees” and onto the “forest”, instead. So we can all get more done.

I don’t know about you, but if I had to teach someone to swing a baseball bat, I know which language I’d choose.

A less contrived example

My present paying job involves supporting a large networked information system. The underlying software system—involving a half-dozen major components—is off-the-shelf, but has been heavily customized through data, configuration, and custom code. There are two complete environments—one for testing, one for production—and each environment contains about a dozen machines. All services within each environment have redundant copies on separate machines, to ensure maximum uptime.

When new customizations are to be deployed into the system, it generally involves copying files around the network, and running up to hundreds of commands on up to a dozen machines, all in a particular order determined by exactly what is being deployed. Some changes require service restarts, and some service restarts must cascade to other services.

Needless to say, this kind of thing involves a lot of error-prone work, if it’s done by hand. And getting it back out again—should the need arise—often proves even more difficult, as the undeployment process is generally less well tested (being complex, and not on the “critical path”; at least, not until it becomes critical).

So, to address this situation I built a deployment system that leverages several “little” languages to address different aspects of the problem, and brings them together to provide completely automated deployments and undeployments. And, unlike the manual undeployments of the past, the automated ones are reliable.

I had three goals in mind when designing the control languages for this system:

  1. minimizing the work necessary to build a deployment script (the most common activity)
  2. ensuring the effects of every deployment script could be completely reversed without requiring planning or additional input from the script writer (so it couldn’t be screwed up)
  3. isolating the deployment script writer from the details of the system topology (which varied from environment to environment, and could be changed at any time)

These design goals are important for more than just usability reasons: if the scripting language requires a lot of thinking, or a lot of work to use, errors will occur more often. And, in this instance, errors directly impact the reliability of production systems, and overall uptime.

So, the finished system provides one little language for writing deployment scripts, a second for describing the system topology and component relationships, and a third for controlling the deployment system itself.

The deployment scripting language provides primitives that do atomic units of deployment (things like: create a policy, delete a policy, update a filesystem directory, modify a particular configuration file in a particular way, etc.). You write the deployment script as if all of the underlying systems exist on one machine, as if nothing ever goes wrong, and as if nothing ever needs to be undeployed. You simply put the directives in the right order for their inter-dependencies, and provide them with whatever data they need.

When the time comes, the system reads in the deployment script, combines it with the topology and relationship information from the configuration file (the second language) and does all the work of getting files to the right place at the right time, taking backups of the data that’s about to change, generating the necessary shell commands, restarting services, and monitoring for errors. And, should the deployment fail, the undeployment command takes the exact same deployment script, and uses the configuration information and the backups to figure out how to reverse the order in a way that respects dependencies, and undoes everything that has been done.

As a result of this language-based approach, a reliable deployment script can be built in a couple of minutes, and freely deployed and undeployed in any configured environment in the minimum time. And by separating the concerns of system topology and primitive operation from the specific deployment script, a large pool of risk is removed from individual updates. Once the configuration of a system is correct, any correct deployment script will run correctly on that environment. And once a new primitive is known to work properly, it will work properly in any deployment script that uses it.

Could these benefits have been achieved without developing new programming languages? No. In the end, the solution described here is a language-based solution. The details could have changed—the deployment script and system configuration could have been written in XML instead of a custom language—but, from a conceptual standpoint, you’d still have had the same two languages. The only difference would have been in the amount of noise the programmer would have had to deal with when reading and writing those languages.

The truth about programming languages

The truth is that the points I started out with are both myths: designing a programming language does not require an uber-nerd; and learning a new programming language doesn’t require one, either.

The truth is, completely normal, approachable, friendly programmers make new programming languages every day. When somebody designs a new XML structure to communicate something from one application to another, that’s a programming language. When somebody creates a user interface that allows a user to control an application, that’s a programming language.

And the value of these high-level and domain specific programming languages is that they let you focus on a specific aspect of a problem, in terms that are natural to that domain. Describe to me in English how you would deploy this set of updates into the system. Don’t worry about how many instances of the service exist in this particular environment, or what machines they are on; don’t worry that any time you update a policy, you need to take a copy of the old one so you can undeploy later; don’t worry that in the test environment, restarts can take services completely down, but in production, service must be maintained. Give me the high level details, formalize it a tiny bit, and here’s your deployment script. Assume the system can figure out the rest. Please!

That’s the power of a language.

The cost of generality

Programming languages like Java and C—and all of the “commodity” general-purpose programming languages, in fact—are low-level languages. They are generally useful specifically because they demand you provide so much detail: by shifting the burden onto the programmer, they can be used to solve just about any problem. But by assuming so very little, such languages require programmers to write tons of (often repetitive) code, just to get anything done.

Low-level languages do, of course, generally offer a way to package runs of logic into re-usable chunks (Java’s class libraries, for instance). These facilities allow you to leverage the work of other programmers, and can certainly be very powerful. But their “shape” is ultimately constrained by the language they were designed for. It takes new languages to allow new shapes, and to make them feel natural enough to use. Ruby’s closures define a new shape, and they are ubiquitous in Ruby code. The inversion of control completely transforms how you think about and write Ruby code. Java’s anonymous classes, OTOH, try to offer the same services within the existing shape of the language, and inflict such pain in doing so, that they get only limited use.

New languages allow new ways to think, and that is often exactly what is needed to make leaps in productivity.

Conclusion

I could go on. But I won’t. ;-)

Here’s my point of view: computers are good at doing boring, predictable, repetitive stuff, and we aren’t. And for anything but the simplest of problems, languages are a necessary tool for shifting that burden from people to computers.

It all comes back to Norman’s Law of Conservation of Complexity: give people better tools, and they’ll do more with them.

It’s time we had better tools.

Writing

I’ve been thinking of writing, lately. And I’ve been thinking of swearing off writing, lately.

I know I can write. That’s not really at issue. The problem is that I’m not so convinced I have anything to write about. I’m not a great storyteller. That’s not a pity plea. That’s simple truth. I’ve been actively thinking about and (somewhat less actively) working at writing for about six years now. To date, I’ve had two (count ‘em) ideas for novel-sized stories and five ideas for short stories.

Most of the time, when I most desperately want to write, it’s to capture a . . . feeling. When I read good fantasy, or a good comic, or watch a good movie, or have a good dream, there’s this feeling I get in my head . . . this longing for something bigger, this excited, expectant, on-edge, crazy, wonderful feeling that just makes me want to write, so that I can share the feeling with other people. But, in the end, that’s not enough. Story is about something—about something that happens. I approach writing from a place that is purely momentary and transitory, and to make it be anything, I have to string a series of those moments together into something coherent.

I suppose it’s no wonder that everything I’ve ever written has lacked plot.

So far this year, I’ve written one scene. It’s a pretty good scene, if I do say so myself. It’s tense and fear-full and deeply, intensely anxious. Which is exactly what I set out to make it. And everybody who’s read it wants to read more. And you know, when I started writing it? I could have sworn there was more. But I can’t for the life of me write another word on it. Try as I might, I just don’t know what happens next.

When I rebuilt this site (or, rather, built it from pieces of other sites), it was with the intent of publishing some ongoing original fiction. There was the Turos project I had come up with years ago (something pulpy in the Final Fantasy vein) and the Inspector Tournesol project I had invented specifically for this site (something like a cross between Inspector Gadget and Robert Asprin’s Myth books). Yes, I was intentionally trying for something a little less “serious” (or self-aggrandized, at least) than my usual attempts at literature. I was hoping that taking my writing less seriously would help. But it hasn’t. I still seem very short on concrete plot ideas. And worse, without the desire to do something good, the few plot ideas I do have don’t seem to interest me.

Even the non-fiction stuff I had planned to write about—the Re-examining My Faith stuff—I can’t seem to write. By the time I sit down to write about what I’ve been reading and thinking, my thinking has already changed so much as to make what I’d planned to write a lie.

Now, I’m not expecting that I’m alone in this problem. I’m not looking for pity or comfort. The world is full of would-be writers who don’t ever write anything. Perhaps I should just accept that I’m one of them and move on. It’s not like I don’t have lots of things to fill my time. Perhaps I should just start posting my daily rants about the hows and whys of my development projects, and give up on this site ever being anything other than the website of an obsessed programmer.

But there’s a part of me that would really like that: that part of me that doesn’t want me to write anything. And I’m not yet sure I’m willing to let him win. I don’t know, maybe I really do have nothing to write. Maybe I’ll write something and it will be crap. It’s totally possible. But surely I should at least do it once, before deciding. Wouldn’t that be a good idea?

Today, on a whim, I went and looked at Robin McKinley’s FAQ, and in it, she talks about how she spent a whole year thinking about The Blue Sword (one of my all-time favourite books) before spending another whole year writing it. The Outlaws of Sherwood took her five years to write. Now, I’m not claiming to be Robin’s equal in the writing department. I’m not. Even close. But that’s kind of my point—if a genius writer like her can take two or more years to produce a finished story, then maybe my expectations of myself have been . . . a little unrealistic. (No, that would never happen!)

So, maybe I’ll cut myself some slack, book some actual daily or weekly time, and just write. Forget the grand ideas of churning out a 3-days a week serialization, or a great novel, and just write. See where it goes. Write and polish and don’t worry about the time I’m spending or the time it’s taking. My first development project wasn’t a world-class compiler. Why should I expect my first writing project to be a publishable novel?

In the end, reality is what it is. I can accept it, and do my best . . . or worry and whine about it, and change nothing. The former would seem the more sane of my choices.

Leopard Review

So, I’ve been running Leopard (OS X 10.5) since Friday. There’s a lot of nice stuff, and some not so nice stuff.

First of all, Leopard is gorgeous to look at. The frosted menu bar is very pretty, for one. The new Finder windows are a vast improvement over the old, and CoverFlow is stunning when browsing picture folders. I have a folder of astronomy pictures I’ve collected from APOD, over the years, and running through them in CoverFlow is a thing of beauty.

Astronomy CoverFlow

QuickLook is awesome. With QuickLook, you can press the spacebar when a document is selected in Finder, and a lightweight client will open to show you the document’s contents. Not all file types are supported, but a lot of them are. It really saves time over waiting for the full applications to load, just to see if you have the right file. This has been particularly great for reading RTF/Word documents, because, for most of them, I never even need to load Pages at all.

TimeMachine is quite nice, and really does work. I’ve already gone back to grab stuff I’ve deleted, stuff I’d probably have mourned but lived without in the past (I always did take backups, just not that often).

That all said, Leopard is not quite as polished as Tiger. Applications definitely crash more often (though I haven’t yet had the system lock up or die).

Spaces (which give you multiple virtual screens on a single display) seems more seamless than VirtueDesktops ever did, but isn’t quite as nice as Virtual Desktop Pro was (which I haven’t been able to use since Mac went Intel). In Spaces, subordinate windows often appear on the wrong screen. For instance the text completion popup in Numbers permanently opens on whichever screen it first opened on, even if the current window is not on that screen. Annoying. Another missing feature is the ability to have different backdrops for different virtual screens. With VirtueDesktops, I used these for both at-a-glance identification of the screen I was on, and for setting a particular head-space/mood. Now that’s no longer an option. :-(

The new 3D dock is seriously ugly. There’s just way too much visual noise, and I do find the perspective to be . . . off. Fortunately, the 3D format is only used when the dock is displayed on the bottom, and I generally use it on the left, where it takes on a much cleaner 2D format. And, better news, you can turn off the 3D format altogether. Yay!

What else. Oh, the new, prettier Finder is a memory hog. I’ve seen it chewing up 700MB of RAM after running CoverFlow for a while. Also, there are some redraw glitches with CoverFlow that can be quite annoying. That said, I only ever saw those glitches in large folders (ie. hundreds of photos).

I haven’t yet had much cause to try the new Mail. I’ve wanted to, but GMail is just such a habit, at this point, that I’m not sure I’ll be able to get myself to make the change.

Overall, it is worth the money to upgrade. If you have a Mac, you will want to run Leopard. But, unless you are a geek, you might want to wait until 10.5.1.

Re-examining my faith

Earlier this week, I found myself sitting down to write about my beliefs as a Christian. I’d had a rather vivid dream, in which someone said something that didn’t feel right to me, and I woke with the strong urge to write a response to what she’d said. But I didn’t get far before I started to wonder if my counter-argument was, in fact, rather weak.

You see, I’m not what you’d call a bible-thumper. Truth be told, I have a great deal of difficulty believing the Bible is “the divinely inspired Word of God”—a perfectly accurate and unalterable copy of God’s message to us. There were just too many people involved in writing it—people with points of view, agendas, and human natures. The gospels, for instance, that tell us of Jesus’s life, were written no less than 30 years after his death, and only two of the four by people who knew him personally. That’s a lot of passed time, a lot of slow distillation of memory in a lot of heads, and a lot of second- and third-hand information. Most of it wouldn’t be admissible in a court of law, in other words.

As such, my faith is based on what I’ve found “reading between the lines”, sifting out the cultural and narratorial biases, and finding the common threads. In the end, what I believe is simply what “feels” true to me, those parts that fit with my own experiences, and that remain consistent when all brought together. And my spirituality, if you will, has been the constant testing of those beliefs, and their application in my life.

The problem is, as a result, I haven’t actually read the Bible in some time. I mean, I was surrounded by it until I was in my teens. I’ve heard the stories from both the Old and New Testaments more times than I can count. They’ve become part of who I am. As a child, I memorized many bible verses, some of which I can still quote today. But like anyone else, the ones I remember the most are the ones that mean the most to me—the ones that underpin and reinforce my beliefs. Everything else just fades away. As noted in several passages, Jesus gave us first principles—Love God with all your heart, and all your mind, and all your soul; and love your neighbour as yourself—and I just tend to work from there.

But this disconnection from the source text raises a question: what if, after so much time, I’m following only myself?

Of course, the “reductionist Westerner” in me points out that, in fact, that’s what’s everyone’s doing—that, as fault-tolerant, context-sensitive, experiential beings, we are not capable of understanding any given message exactly the same way as anyone else. That, in fact, we change the message as we listen to it, filtering it through our experiences and our personalities, picking out the parts that feel relevant and discarding everything else. That is, in fact, a necessary part of human nature—it’s how we cope with a world that is far too full of information.

But still, if I’m being honest with myself, I have to question even that point of view. What if, contrary to my beliefs, the source text is more signal than noise? What if my direct and personal experience of God has, in fact, been a figment of my imagination, and my beliefs a slowly drifting lie?

So, I’ve decided to go back to the texts. I’m going to read them through, with as open a mind as I can manage, and see what I find now, some fifteen or twenty years later: the gospels, some of the Gnostic texts, and some modern texts, as well. I read Luke from end-to-end earlier this week, and what I found there wasn’t entirely comfortable reading, as far as my relationship with God is concerned. That said, Luke’s text seems internally inconsistent, and portrays a Jesus who is angry and irritated, more often than not. And Luke never met Jesus personally. I don’t know what to make of it, yet, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. I figure I’ll need to read a few more of the gospels before deciding anything.

I’ll write about what I find.

Well, that was short-lived

My iPod Touch is going back. I’m not happy.

I suppose I should have read more reviews on the device, but I’d pre-ordered it the day it was announced, because I’d been wanting an iPhone for months. And not for the phone. So it didn’t think to read more on it. I just waited patiently for my new toy to arrive.

When I ordered it, my only disappointment was the lack of a camera, but I figured I could live without it. What I really wanted was a music-enabled PDA—something I could carry my calendar around on, take some notes, read some PDF files, etc. That’s what I thought I was buying.

Unfortunately, Apple has decided that the iPod Touch is to be a very expensive iPod, (the Canadian iPod Touch is $50 more than a US iPhone, and comes with only 16GB of storage, when comparing it to other iPods), and not much else. You can carry your calendar, but it is read-only. You can’t mount the device as a disk to copy files to it, and if you could, the software to read PDF apparently is not on the device (or so the oracle tells me). There is no means to enter a note, unless it is into a web form on a website, which is woefully inadequate for a device that has only WiFi internet.

I switched to Macs two years ago. I love them. They just work. And, more times than not, they exceed my expectations. What the hell happened with the iPod Touch?